VD anyone?

I can list countless cliche'd reasons why I hate Valentine's Day..

I can blame consumerism, and say it's just one day and we should spend everyday telling the one we love that we love them. I can say that it's a Hallmark holiday created to sell cheap chocolate wrapped in coloured foil.
I can say the snogging couples at every turn make me want to physically abuse something.

But I wont. Because I will be honest. I hate Valentine's Day because I am alone, and maybe just a little bitter at being jaded, by the romantic notion of love, by a countless number of disappointing relationships.

I want to believe. I do.. I want to expect the card in the post from the secret admirer, the anonymously sent flowers at the office so all your colleagues can see, or sharing a box of my favourite cacoa delicacy on the couch, wrapped around someone fabulous. But that little bubble popped for me years ago.. I am now cynical, and pessimistic even though I don't want to be. I will spend the day mocking those that do all the traditions, I will post anti-vd cartoons on my facebook, buy my own chocolate (and eat it all myself, probably whilst on my new exercise bike) and go to bed with my vibrator (because in celebration I did buy Him a new battery at least).

But then again maybe, just maybe, one day someone will change all that for me.
That's what hope does you see, it floats..

I bit the proverbial bullet..

As you can gather, from a certain previous post, that I hate exercise. Hate it. Detest it. I wish it was never invented. I wish the Big Man had given Cavemen go-karts and R1's instead of them having to run after those Buffalo and woolly Mammoths with flimsy half assed spears!

But no ja, according to hundreds (probably millions actually, but I am in skeptical denial) of experts say that the shit is good for you. Combined with the fact that I am not getting any younger (much to my disgust), I decided to do some. Exercise that is.. So I bought myself a second hand spinning bike. Well at least I think it's a spinning bike? The wheels go really fast? Anyway…

It took me 3 days to actually get it out the bakkie first of all, so determined was my procrastination and absolute fear of keeling over from a heart attack.

But eventually she (I say she because she is an absolute BITCH!) was hooked up to electricity, and facing my very large flat screen. Ready to go. But I wasn’t, not yet. We sat there staring at each other in morbid fascination. Deciding that, like oral sex, this bike wasn’t gonna ride itself, I got up and gingerly approached her. Not wanting to startle her I talked sweetly to her, asking her not to be afraid my large ass, reassuring her that I would never deliberately hurt her and asked her to return that particular favour. I had become the Bicycle Whisperer..

Tenderly I adjusted the seat and handlebars. Careful not to scratch or push too hard. Finally she and I were both ready, it was now or never.

I stood next to her, one hand on the seat and one on the handlebars and quickly swung my leg over. Now if you know me I don’t easily swung my leg over anything, or anybody. I felt rather vulnerable at this point, but pushed forward. I felt safe in the knowledge that unlike it’s four legged counter part it was not gonna be able to throw me. I could fall off, but that’s another post.

So I was on.

My son sat quietly across the room, watching me intently. He’d never seen me do any serious exercise before either. Once we tried some Yoga / Pilates moves with an aunt’s gym ball but he laughed so much he eventually peed himself and had to leave the room. I took that as an opportunity to never humiliate my son like that again and ceased all rigorous movement. Grabbing a coke from the fridge and a cigarette I decided I could never attempt anything like that again!

I fiddled with some settings, pressed start and off I went. My legs actually moved, I didn’t fall off, and Kai was smiling. It all looked good so far. I kept going for 15 minutes. After 3 minutes Kai eventually piped up “Mom! I can see it already!!” Panicking I whipped around looking for what was hanging out that shouldn’t be. “What?” I yelled! “You mom! You looking slimmer already..” he replied chuffed. It was so sweet of him, I almost shot a tear. Secretly I believed it to.. Because I mean really it had been 3 minutes!

And so I have kept going, every morning and every evening. Granted it’s only been 3 days. But I have a good feeling about this… Maybe the elevated dopamine levels have already started to change my outlook on exercise? Who knows.. But for the following reason I need to keep at it:

1        I want to lose MORE weight!

2        I want to play cricket with my son for more that 2.47 minutes at a time.

3        I want to dance.. Like take classes!

4        Its good for my diabetes

5        I would like to get laid within the next century again

6        Oh ja, and apparently it’s good for you?

They say it takes about 21 days to form a habit. So right now that is my goal. Just 21 days. And see where I end up.

My friend, The Adrenalin Junkie (riding, canoeing, jogging, sometimes all 3 at once!) has already emailed me the training schedule for the Amashova Bike Race. He reckons “You got 10 months; you’ll be fine, aim for 4 hours.” When I sarcastically asked why aim for 4 when I can do it in 5 he responded “It’s only 106km! And it’s from Pietermaritzburg to Durban, that’s all downhill!!”

I can hear him sniggering; I haven’t spoken to him since.

And so, because I am doing something out of my comfort zone, I challenge everyone who thinks they can’t do something to just try it. Even if it’s only once.. You never know.. Any second could be the second that changes your life.

How I think I look..

 

How I actually look..