The proper definition of the word stereotype (as per some online dictionary thing) is:
A widely held, but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person, or thing.
To me, in this regard, it’s an unfair and biased lone assumption based on a person’s physical appearance. And what do the public at large hold as stereotypical ideas of a larger person? I was shocked to my kitten heels to discover..
I did some research on the subject I will admit, before blindly starting to lay into Innocents out there. But from what I read I don’t feel my “blind laying into” is far off from being completely justified.
Opinions were that we are lazy, stupid (really now??), unhygienic, smelly (oh come on!), we make crap employees (must be where the lazy and stupid comes into play), we don’t stop eating, we don’t exercise, oh and my favourite is either we don’t have sex, or we prefer to have dirrty hide-in-the-back-of-the-cupboard-porn sex!
So I decided that I had better get some other opinions before I lost my cool and had to get horribly intimate with a bottle of Vodka.
I sent out an email to friends and family asking them what they thought when they say large people in the street, or what they think when they meet someone for the first time and it’s not at all what they expected. I asked if they had dated a larger person, if they would avoid making friends with a larger person and if they had family, or were themselves judged by size-ist arseholes. Ok I didn’t use the words “size-ist arseholes” but I was tempted to!
The opinions I got back were fairly heartwarming.. It looks like the ark-aic thinking may slowly be moving away from “lazy & stupid” to “everybody deserves a chance”. Which I think is great.
But before we get into that I need to dispel some of these ridiculous labels we have been given and unfortunately are not as fashionable as a Guess jean or a Jimmy Choo!
Lazy: I think for this label it’s 6 of one and half a chicken of the other. Even I reckon some larger lasses are lazy. But I know many plus sizes, myself included, who run around all day, after husbands, kids, book club, gym (yes we DO go to gym you idiots!) and then still get home to cook, and semi tidy the house (who can really do a full tidy at night?). Then we still have to fit in the girlfriends, the wine nights and the shopping trips. Yes, exactly like you skinny chicks! Weird huh poppet?
Stupid: Ok, so how can you tell someone is stupid just by looking at them? And to make that assumption from their size is just plain fucking ridiculous! I would suggest you go back to High School and retake Logic 101. In fact most CEO’s and Manager’s tend to be heavier because they work longer hours and eat on the run or at their desks. And do you think these CEO’s and Manager’s used to be illiterates who suddenly got handed a plum job just because? No.. He had to study, at a University or College (that’s a BIG school for very smart people) and he had to claw his way into the workplace and gain experience by working very hard (once again, not being lazy). So this also blows the “Make crap employees” label out the water. I think most of us know that if our size restricts us from doing deep sea diving, or cave exploring we wont be going into those career paths. But if we really want to work, finding a desk job wont be too strenuous on our ankles. And as for the rest of us plebs. Well we can’t count on our legs to Cairo figures, blonde swinging manes of silk and big blue doe eyes to get us our salaries. So we have to be smart, savvy and funny to get anywhere in this pretentious, vain and self important world we live in! PS: Skinny people can be bladdy stupid too. Look at Paris Hilton.
Unhygienic: Ok I don’t know how we get here either.. I think smelly should fall into this category too. Why would a larger person smell any more unpleasant than a smaller person? All sizes, ages, or sexes can have body odour problems.
I think this is a psychological tag. I think because some people are physically revolted by fat people they assume they must smell? I really don’t know..
Do they assume we bathe any less than skinnier folk? Come on people, as kids we are either taught to clean or not to clean. Whether we pick up weight between now and then is not going to make a difference as to what was ground into us mentally as children. This too can fall under the “Anyone can be Stupid” category!
Uncontrollable appetite: So you assume that I cannot stop my hand from gravitating towards my mouth. Even if there is nothing in it but fresh air..
This swings both ways baby. I have seen a skinny girl devour a hamburger in two bites, then still cry because she never got a side order of chips with it! And I know my curvy friends who are too afraid to eat in public, or even buy food in front of other people, because they are judged by it. They women around them are thinking “My God woman, control yourself, do you really need that Coke, double cheese and large chips?” “Well fuck yes I do! So leave me the hell alone!!” is what I say back in my mind! But we are harder on ourselves than anybody else can be on us. So don’t judge, just take your salad and go sit by yourself at the back of the restaurant.
Oh and please remember that not ALL the food in our trollies is just for us. Because we are fat does not mean we don’t have a husband who likes chocolate, kids who “die” without Tropika and a late night sex fetish for strawberries. We shop for the entire house, just like you do. We don’t make our partners go and do the rest of the households shopping on their own, while we sit at home and scoff the Niknaks on the sofa. So stop looking into our trollies to see what “make her fat”, and keep your poky nose in your own vegan organic wheat free basket!
Sex deviants: Ha hahahah aa, as much as this is true in my case I can assure you it’s not in many other boudoirs. In fact most plus size ladies shy away from sex, or do it under duress and try to get it over with as soon as possible. Getting over the insecurities of a flabby tummy, orange peel thighs and batwing arms is very hard under harsh lighting. And knowing men they would want to land a boeing in the bedroom with the amount of candlelight they prefer during a evening of fun & fantasy..
Those unmentionable movies they make of us are derogatory and disgusting and I know not of one self-respecting lady who thinks its sexy, or would buy one. But it doesn’t mean that we don’t have sex, and it doesn’t mean we don’t like it just like anybody else. We just have to work harder before hand (mantra’s, lingerie, stilettos and soft lighting) to get into the groove so as not to allow our insecurities to mar the special occasion. Nothing is more sexy that confidence, no matter your size. And if you genuinely enjoy what you are experiencing your partner will enjoy it even more too.
The one sad part of being large and “in love” is that some bigger girls will let themselves be used, they will do anything and be with many partners to find happiness (another scary fact shared with me by a male friend). Don’t do it girls! We all deserve love in the best way possible..
Ok so I think I got that all off my DD chest. And with regards to my gathered opinions.. As I said they surprised me. Most were of the opinion that they wouldn’t shy away from getting to know larger person just because of their size, although I didn’t have one guy admit to wanting to date one! Hhmmmm must investigate that one further. They were of the opinion that their assumption of a person was based on the fact of whether a person was rude or nice to them. Which I think is pretty noble..
Then I got a real corker from Alpha Male, and I quote “Only time I like to avoid being near them is in an aeroplane or a taxi, luckily I don't use the taxi service in SA.”
Alpha Male also said sometime larger lasses are either too timid, or then too loud (like me, his nickname for me is Foghorn..)
My sweet dutch chick sent back “Big people, always have a good heart, friendly en min plooie! Ek love big mense.”
Couzin V gets judged very unfairly “if someone asks me where do I work and I say KFC Head Office I often see them thinking no wonder she is so fat she probably eats KFC everyday (which I don’t) even the sister at the Dr’s rooms said that!” Then one of her male friends said the one line we all HATE to hear.. “You’d be a lot prettier if you lost weight”. Well fuck you too! Didn’t you learn from Thumper that if you can’t say something nice, just shut the fuck up!
My Aussie Mate had a valid point “I think a lot of how we react to larger people has to do with our upbringing - if your parents were always rude to or when talking about fat people then that's probably how you'll respond to them. A lot of our thought processes are established in early childhood”.
Then my ultimate is the comment that came from a very old childhood friend “I am fat, so is my wife. My kids are skinny (24, 22, 20), so we have the whole spectrum in the house. I find that plumper women are generally more beautiful than the thin ones; they also have much nicer boobs! Because most plus size people think that they are not as attractive as thin people, they generally have a much nicer personality, and aren't all stuck up about their weight, what to eat, what not to, do I look fat in this, etc etc etc... and all that shit!”
So I think the Golden Rule is: Throw those old fashioned, trailer trash induced stereotypes OUT the window of that convertible girlfriend! Treat people, ALL PEOPLE, big, small, tall, short, smart, thick and even Paris Hilton with the respect they deserve until they prove themselves wrong (which in Paris’s case won’t be very long).
A wise man once said “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you”. I think it was Keith Richards? Go for it, be nice, stop judging and enjoy life.
No comments:
Post a Comment